This is a graduation post.

My high school graduation was tonight. I’m really happy. This is gonna sound so dumb but I got in my car afterwards and I cried happy tears, and that’s the first time I’ve ever really done that and it’s a weird feeling. This year was really shitty, but at this point I feel kind of bad saying that. I’ve literally been living for nothing but this for the past nine months, and now that it’s here, I’m really relieved. I keep thinking of how I almost switched to public school, and I kind of wonder if I’d be happier in general if that had happened. I still kind of hate my parents for not letting me switch because it was too inconvenient for them not to pay 8,000 dollars for my schooling. But even though this year overall was bad, there were a lot of small, really great moments. A lot of times that I had a lot of fun that sometimes I think it might have been worth dealing with everything else that came along with my school. I started the year with no friends, and ended it with several that I am so, so grateful for. I’m thankful for everyone who ever asked me if I was okay, or reached out to me at all when I was noticeably in a shitty place, especially during the first semester when I was actually incapable of even pretending I was okay. In the end, I guess I’m glad I stayed where I was. I spent all year being swallowed by my hatred for everything and only these past few weeks brought all the things and people I really loved to my attention. It was late, but that time was enough to realize that I don’t hate everything, not everyone is terrible. There are actually quite a few people who are really amazing all around. I’m sad that some of them I’ll never see again, and I was sad all the way up until after graduation.

Even though it seems like it will be hard getting over high school, I know I’ll do it a lot more easily than some other people. There are a few people I love that I’ll have trouble not seeing often and in some cases I’ll have trouble trying to forget completely, but I know there’s so much good shit waiting for me in just a month’s time. I’m surprised I had the will to get through this year, and I’m quite proud of myself right now. I guess I’m just posting this because at this moment, I’m happy, I feel accomplished, I don’t really feel bad at all. At all. Kind of a milestone. And if in a week’s time I’m already feeling bad, I just want to remember that this good feeling is here somewhere, tucked behind all those bad things that don’t matter as much as I think they do.